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It’s Ok to Feel This Way—Know It, Name It, Own It
1. What are emotions?
Emotions are how we all communicate the experience of our inner selves; connect these through our engagement with others, in the contexts and situations of our environment, to be safe, healthy, effective, and to navigate our lives together. We smile, frown, laugh, grimace, etc., almost without conscious effort and direction.
For example, if you bring to mind:
- A time when you were with others at a sporting event, and your side was winning or losing.
- Some of your workplace relationships were positive or tricky.
- Watching a movie or performance, and something sparks a joyful memory or excitement about an anticipated new experience.
These examples illustrate that our emotions help us understand that, in these times, people and things are important, and that, with awareness of our inner selves, we have choices in what we do (our intent) and how we are with others (our impact).
How Do the Tumbles See Emotions?
The Tumbles help us understand that emotions are not something to ignore, control or play down. Rather, they can be seen as ‘E-motions’ and are key resources of our energy and motivation for actions and interactions - or not.
Emotions are essential ways for us to communicate how we are (our inner experiences) and to help us understand each other as we engage with our shared environments.
2. Why do we have emotions?
Integration of Intent and Impact
With their three eyes and integrated head, hearts and bodies, the Tumbles help us learn to notice (three eyes help them see it all), be aware of and make choices in:
- Our inner experiences and intent—including the what and how of our self-talk (Thinking), naming our emotions (Feelings—energy and motivation), and listening to and caring for our bodies.
- Our engagement and connections in the outer world with others and owning our words, silence, actions, inactions, non-verbals, manner, and facial expressions, and knowing the impact of these habits of behaviour on our interactions and relationships.
- Knowing the expectations of self and others in the situation and context of the environment we are in (present), were in (past), or may be in (or imagine/anticipate) (future), and knowing what is needed to meet them.
Why do we have emotions?
To help us be a little more integrated
Integration, or being integral, is when we understand and own our intent and the impact of our inner experience, engagement with others, and the expectations within the environment.
We tend to understand (judge) ourselves by our intent ("What I meant by that was… / the reason I did xyz… / said that was…." etc). Other people tend to understand (judge) us by our behaviours, words, silence, manner, non-verbals, actions, and interactions (our impact).
Integration is not complex and is familiar to us all, as it is the times when we pause, and we say to ourselves something like:
"I reckon… all things considered… on balance… weighing it all up… or I figure…"
It is when we are fair, compassionate, and self-aware, and take accountability for our intent, our impact, and what we do next (e.g., apologise, listen, etc.).
3. Where do emotions come from?
It is useful to reframe the question to: Where does our awareness of our emotions come from? On that basis, awareness of our emotions ("I’m feeling xyz about/because of") comes from:
- Our inner experiences—our thinking (self-talk), bodies (senses—hear, see, smell, touch, taste, etc.), and our emotions. E.g., if you think you have a great idea, you may "feel" Raddy emotions; or if you have a sore back or see something that is upsetting, you may "feel" Maddy emotions; or if someone is crying, you "feel" Saddy emotions.
- Our engagement with others—E.g., if you think someone is untrustworthy, you may "feel" Haddy emotions.
- Our expectations in our environment, situations, and contexts—E.g., if the weather is bleak, or you expected to be promoted and you weren’t, yet you are ok as it probably wasn’t the right time, you may "feel" Paddy's emotions.
Another way to understand this question is that they come from our memories, lived experiences, and associations (e.g., with some things, sometimes (past, present, or future), and some people).
4. Are there Good and Bad Emotions?
The answer is blowing in the wind.
If you Google this question, you will find a list of the top 10 or more, and the majority of these are based on primary survival or negative ‘types’ of emotions. The Tumbles teach us that emotions are neither good nor bad, positive or negative.
They encourage us to think of all emotions as air: always present and life-sustaining. Our perception/noticing/awareness of air is most obvious when we experience it as wind, which is neither good nor bad.
E-motion, like wind, is moving by us—like a breeze—or we are moved by it—wind at our back or head winds, as we journey along life’s paths.
This noticing of the wind (emotion) gives awareness of its intensity, duration and observability, in relation to knowing what is happening in the context, within ourselves (name), how we are occurring with others, and then having a choice (own), what we are doing and where we are heading.
Having a flexible perspective on emotions as neither good/positive/helpful nor bad/negative/hindering allows us all to broaden our emotional vocabulary and practice our emotional flexibility and literacy.
Are there Good and Bad Emotions?
Making new Paths
We all know that sometimes, people and things make the journey of life feel like it is all uphill and into the wind. In these contexts, some of our emotions can "feel" like we are slipping downhill and off our paths.
Awareness and ownership of our E-motions give us the energy and motivation to pause and rest, ask for help, rejoin, or even
create new pathways, maintain momentum, and make progress.
On any journey many tumbles (emotions) are moving along the path with us, crossing over, up and down hill, often at the same time. For example, we may feel creative (Raddy), grateful (Gladdy) and nervous (Haddy) when we sit for an exam, go for a job or promotion.
We may feel guilty (Saddy), irritated (Maddy) and also accepting (Paddy) when we get pulled over by the police, or remember an ex or a lost friendship or relationship.
It’s ok to known, name and own all our tumbles- that’s how we all navigate our journeys together.
5. How long do emotions last?
Emotions can last for around 90 seconds, hours, days, or years. There is some evidence that "downhill emotions—Saddy, Haddy, and Maddy" have a longer duration and intensity of impact on our energy, motivation, and actions.
The short-duration emotions are familiar to us all—sometimes, some people, we suddenly feel emotional. E.g., seeing a sad scene from a movie, getting a job offer, or even being in your favourite beach/café or room at home.
- An emotional response—is about 60–90 seconds in duration and we typically cover our nose or face, lose our breath and say something like: "Sorry, I'm getting emotional… I got all emotional."
- Feelings—have a mixed duration and last as long as you bring awareness to know it and name it—you own them, so it is OK: "I'm feeling xyz… I felt abc…"
Longer-term emotions are based on perceptions and experiences, memory, association, or life:
- Mood—the sustained low intensity, longer duration, and an overall summary of how you are feeling, which may be unconscious to you and obvious to others.
- State—the overall summary or integration of the perception of a range of inner experiences (thinking, feeling, body, mindset, bias, assumptions, etc.), their impact on our behaviours in our engagement with others, and within the expectations of our environments. It is recognising what is driving you at the moment you take action (or don’t) and the impact on our effectiveness.
- Morale—can be collective or social "feelings" and tend to be longer term.
Here is an experiment to try: Recall a period from the past (e.g., school). Notice the time (primary years), place, people, etc., and what was happening. Now notice your emotions that tumble in.My example relates to a mean bully of a teacher who yelled at and made public "fun" of children who couldn’t spell well. I remember little details, yet I can still feel the cascade of anger, humiliation, and helplessness. That was more than fifty years ago. Yes, emotions can last for years.
6. Do we have feelings or emotions?
When we ask, "How are you feeling?"—it is common to expect two types of answers:
- Related to health (body/physical): I’m feeling better/worse, sick/bad, sore/stiff, bruised and battered, etc.
- Related to emotions (psychological/social): I’m irritated, calm, lonely, excited, etc.
What gets really interesting is that we can get a third or combined set of answers. People can be:
- "Hangry"—hungry and angry
- "Slonly"—sad and lonely
- "Slangy"—sleepy/exhausted and angry
- "Crab-bed"—irritated and tired
The Tumbles encourages us to know, name, and own all our emotions as easily as we do with our physical feelings. It is about asking ourselves—at this time—How am/was I feeling, or how am/was I feeling about?
7. What happens when we ‘get emotional’?
When people are working through testing times, with tricky people and on tough things they can ‘lose’ control of their inner experiences, engagement with others and expectations in the environment. They ‘get emotional’.
People tend to not like ‘being’ emotional, they learn to control them and try to stop it! And they want others to not be emotional either- ‘Don’t get emotional / don’t bring emotions into this…’
They say things like:
- Oh, sorry—I am getting emotional / all emotional.
- That made me emotional.
- Sorry—I lost control of /I was overcome by emotions.
- My emotions got the better of me.
- Feel like I came unstuck, lost myself.
- Felt I was coming apart / falling to pieces.
- Feel strongly / deeply about.
- We don't say anything we become /remain silent.
They do things like:
- Touch their chest / cover their mouths
- Go red/pale
- Hold, catch, or become rapid in their breath
- Bodies shake or become very still or rigid
- Voices rise/are lost or shake
- Cry or shed tears
8. What happens when we try to stop our emotions?
We practice two patterns of thinking and habits of behaviour:
Pattern One – Control
(Owned by Emotions)
Pattern Two – Choice
(Own my Emotions)
9. What happens when we are OWNED by our emotions?
We ‘dis-integrate’
People stop being aware of their inner experiences of their thinking, bodies, and emotions and become owned by them.
- E.g., I am my thoughts—"people can’t be trusted."
- E.g., I am my urges/sensations—"I need to punch something/scream."
- E.g., I am my emotions—"I am so angry!"
Their behaviours, words, actions, and manner in interactions and engagement with others are separate from the expectations of the situation or environmental context.
- Things "outside" (e.g., alcohol, etc.) forced me, or "within me" (e.g., pain) drove me or my mind- went blank, my brain- snapped or fade, or I got head strong. We also use 'colours' as code for emotions, e.g., see red, green monster, black dog or yellow belly etc.
- People made me do/say/act that/this way.
- Times like this, back then, or coming up drive me to xyz.
I was owned / I am owned!!
10. What happens when we don’t have emotions?
You may had an experience like this.
You are watching a movie/sport or current event where others are "moved" by their emotions (pun intended), or people sharing something meaningful (Sad through to Pad), or imagining a future opportunity and they felt strongly about it. Yet... you didn’t feel anything or didn’t really care.
Not having feelings is a normal response and common to us all—at times, with some people and about some things. In fact, keeping a space to understand others' emotions without feeling them can be beneficial. E.g., health professionals are taught therapeutic distance to protect from compassion fatigue and burnout.
People may value 'not having emotions' as a badge of honour. In a national newspaper the author of a key article boasted that ‘I have nor more feelings than a pocket calculator’.
- Alexithymia—is the absence of words for feelings, not the absence of feelings—just not being able to describe what they are feeling in terms of physical sensations (hungry, sleepy, etc.) and emotions (sad, glad, etc.). E.g., people can say they will miss you whilst dropping you at the airport, have tears rolling down their cheeks—yet they will feel "fine" or don’t know how they feel, or don’t feel anything / can’t name the feelings. (The Body Keeps the Score’ Bessel Van Der Kolk p116.)
This "lack of feelings" or not knowing how you are feeling is part of the drive behind The Tumbles- to expand emotional literacy, vocabulary, and flexibility. This helps us to learn to be a bit better in knowing, naming, and owning them. The integration of the mind, body, and emotions, engaging with others, and the expectations of the context are helpful for our relationships, self-care, and effectiveness.
11. Do we have to talk about our emotions?
NO!
The Tumbles are NOT TALKING ABOUT feelings and emotions.
The objective is for each of us to know, name and own our emotions - with ourselves.
With increased awareness, and if it is helpful, you can have conversations with selected people, at times and in a space that is safe and useful.
Then you can talk through - know, name and own your experience, engagement and expectations of the context, and what you can do next.
12. Why emotional vocabulary, literacy and flexibility?
To be able to communicate, influence and make your way in our lives, you need to have some basic building blocks of language - that is, words.
If you visit another country and cannot speak the language, if you have even six words, you can usually get what you want or need. Your facial expressions, manner, tone, body language and hand movements also help us be understood and to connect with other people.
So, using a small vocabulary (which quickly expands), being flexible in how it is used and trying again when it doesn’t / until it does, you eventually have an enhanced literacy. You can go/do/experience more on your journey.
That is the idea behind the first six Tumbles, and the six emotions within each (Tribe), so in time we will be able to know, name and own 42 emotions, and who knows, perhaps the 140 or more emotions we have identified. Of course, there are no limits once you have a language; we can create meaning, connections and great communities.
Why emotional vocabulary, literacy and flexibility- the rules?
Most communities have unwritten "rules" for emotions from which they learn and understand 'the way' of how they are talked about, how they are used, and how they are to be kept in check if people stray outside the "accepted" ways or emotional pathways.
- E.g., cultural heritage such as the Scandinavian and Scottish share a "keep them to yourself" rule, or the Mediterranean an "express them—is expected" rule for emotions.
We learn the "ways" throughout our lives, and they are reinforced or narrowed over time and across different contexts.
- You can’t—be a sook/baby / get emotional / big kids don’t cry / get in a mood, etc.
- You can—shout, cry, laugh at the footy or theatre. Briefly "feel" emotions, quickly apologise, and then "take a minute/moment / pull yourself together." Leave your emotions at the door, etc.
- You should—be emotionally available / intelligent / empathetic / open.
It's confusing and challenging for us all, especially when it comes to knowing what is okay or not okay in different times, places, and with different people. The Tumbles can help us all.
13. Are emotions contagious- wake, bow and boomerangs?
We feel emotions to help us communicate our inner experiences, connect with others and navigate our lives as a community.
We often have shared emotions to communicate and understand each other. Picture a wedding or a funeral, or a graduation- we smile, cry, stand still, shout, sing and dance as ways to connect.
Communities, groups, teams and tribes can sync their feelings and can be thought of as mood or morale. Picture a winning or losing team, being part of a choir or attending a concert, or just watching a sunset at a site of natural beauty with others.
Our behaviours and actions can send a powerful message to others about our emotions.
- Emotional Bow Wave: People have an emotional bow wave. Their presence, or the anticipation of it, can affect our mental state and behaviour, shape the environment, and set the tone for what happens next.
- Emotional Wake: A similar experience is also repeated after their presence is gone- the emotional wake. It is what people remember and share about how they think, feel and behave after the person has left the meeting, room, etc.
- The Boomerang: Additionally, the emotions we are owned by and act out can be like a boomerang. You chuck out your ‘bad mood’, and it flies off, hits (hurts?) a few targets and circles back in their responses.
All three can have significant consequences for effectiveness and engagement and are amplified in times of uncertainty.
14. Coming soon!
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15. Coming soon!
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